The Tyranny of Self-blame

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

Today • Monday • June 23, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

I read a true story once about a Russian man who hid in his attic for 25 years because of a crime he thought he had committed. When he finally decided to face the music, he learned that there were no charges pending against him. The only one condemning him was himself.

 

Many of us go through life like that Russian man, dealing with guilt that’s of our own making.

 

I knew a mother, for example, whose two-year-old daughter was struck and killed by a truck while they walked alongside a busy highway. For the rest of her life, that woman struggled with guilt for her failure as a mother, even though she would have given her life in a heartbeat to protect her precious little girl. But in her own eyes, she may as well have deliberately harmed her.

 

Guilt can be even more irrational at times. When a husband or wife cheats on a marital partner, it is often the faithful spouse who feels responsible for the indiscretion. A woman may say: “If I had been a better wife, this wouldn’t have happened. How could anyone love me?”

 

The point is that guilt is not a very reliable emotion. Sometimes the condemnation it brings is deserved and we need to deal with it.

 

At other times, it is totally irrational and should be put to rest. So, before you yield to the tyranny of self-blame, ask yourself if the charges against you are valid or invalid. You may find yourself “not guilty”.