My Big Pay Cheque Made Me Miserable

An article lifted from my paper, 02-Jun-2008 edition

by the way…
My big pay cheque made me miserable
By Pamela Skillings

After 12 years climbing the corporate ladder to the upper reaches
of middle management, I found myself facing a surprising career
conundrum: My big pay cheque was making me miserable.

In short, I hated my job, but I was afraid to give up my hard-earned
six-figure salary for what I really wanted – a career as an
entrepreneur.

I enjoyed living in a nice apartment, taking nice vacations
and wearing nice shoes. At the same time, a big part of my identity
was tied up in my success. My sense of professional accomplishment
was determined by the size of my bonus cheques.

Like many of my co-workers, I thought I could eventually earn
enough money to make up for the fact that I dreaded going to work
every day. Then I would be happy, I told myself.

But in fact, my high-paying but soul-draining job was beginning
to take a roll on my personal life. Nobody enjoys hanging out with
a perpetually tired and cranky middle manager.

To be honest, I wasn’t even taking pleasure in my disposable income.
Most of my extra cash went towards medicating my work stress –
over-priced restaurants, tropical vacations and retail therapy.
I traded up to a bigger and nicer apartment, but I didn’t spend
much time in it because I was always at the office justifying my pay.

Eventually, I realised that my salary wasn’t worth the
emotional price I was paying for. I got out my calculator
and figured out the reality of what it would take to make
a change. Once I did the maths, I realised that the budget cuts
after quitting my job wouldn’t be nearly as painful as I’d feared.

I was more than willing to cut back on indulgences like
foamy lattes, shiny highlights and overpriced designer handbags
for a while if it meant that I could escape from corporate America
and strike out on my own. Suddenly, my impossible dream
seems within reach.

The last step in letting go of my financial fears was facing the fact
that my salary had never truly been a reliable safety net after all.
On the other hand, no one can ever take away your talents,
your experience and your skills – the assets that constitute
the only safety net you can even really depend upon.

This understanding finally gave me the courage to say goodbye
to my steady salary and embrace my thrilling – but still scary –
entrepreneur dream.

In the three years since, I’ve learned that I have the skills and drive
to build a successful business. More importantly, I’ve learned that
finding a career that you love is well worth enduring a few
sleepless nights and sacrificing a handbag or two.

The writer is the founder of New York consulting firm
Skillful communications.